plz talk dirty to me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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