my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
