Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
please come you make the beer taste better
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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