Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
