Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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