I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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