what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
