someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
