I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
