It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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