I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
