thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
