Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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