well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
