This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
