Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
