I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
