I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
