Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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