we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
