Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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