TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
