You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
