Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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