Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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