she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
