I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
