at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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