it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
