it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
