she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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