remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
