I'm eating all of the evidence.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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