I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
