thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
