I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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