all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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