new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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