i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
