It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
