she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
