whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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