there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
