I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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