and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
