Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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