i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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