That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
