her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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