The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
