I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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