One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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